Save us from the stirrups

The word "stirrups," for those of us who don't ride ponies, brings to mind only two things, and it's arguable which is more unpleasant: a visit to the gynecologist ("that's right, scoot down a few more inches...") or one of the most horrible fashion trends of the '80s: stirrup pants.

I think I was in about 5th grade when stirrup pants were popular (of course, South Dakota was always a few years behind in trends, so maybe they were popular in the very early 80s elsewhere). At the time, I probably weighed about, oh, 80 pounds and resembled nothing more than a walking, gangly, aspen tree with skinned-up knees and a bad perm. And still, I remember putting on stirrup pants and thinking, strangely enough, that my "butt looked fat."

Now a full-grown woman with normal-sized hips whose width would actually permit childbirth, the thought of tapered pants of any kind is truly horrifying. If they looked bad when I weighed 80 pounds, I can hardly fathom how they'd look now that I'm a healthy 130. Skinny-ankle jeans have made a comeback in New York, but so far it seems only the willowy model types have embraced them, while the rest of us just squeeze our eyes shut, cling fastly to our flared pants, and hope the skinnpants go away soon.

But perhaps that's too much to hope for because now, dear friends, Urban Outfitters is selling stirrup pants..

Please, let it all be a sick, sick joke.