Things You Would Never Hear a Man Say in South Dakota, Part I

Typically, men in my home state of South Dakota are kinda like the food there -- hearty, warm, ample, if not too sophisticated. Hot dish casserole personified, if you will, but not without the dual charms of simplicity and predictability. Of course, I never like things simple, I like them complicated and torturous, and that's probably part of what drew me to New York, where one has a deep, deep dating pool of men far more tortured than I'll ever be. I appreciate their sophistication and their sensitivity, but sometimes I am left wishing they would just relocate their testicles already.

So I had to laugh last night, when I brought a good friend of mine, T, a writer, out for happy hour. Here is an excerpt of the conversation we had:

T: What's up with that girl in the blue shirt?
Me: I thought you were still dating S?
T: Yeah, yeah, I officially am, but we're teetering on the edge.
Me: Why don't you just break up with her then?
T: I can't, her cat just died.

A deferred breakup due to feline expiry is a courtesy one would not enjoy in the Midwest, ladies. Just so you know.