Monday, May 21, 2007

Travel Tips From Your Friendly Midwestern Representative

I recently started working at a tony, glossy magazine, the type of place where people -- despite subsisting on entry-level publishing pay -- still manage (somehow!) to flaunt gorgeous designer clothes and summer at multimillion dollar mansions. A perfectly-manicured eyebrow or two may have been raised the day I showed up wearing rumpled Ann Taylor pants and an aw-shucks grin, but so far, so good. They all seem like nice enough folk who don't seem to mind the earnest Midwesterner in their midst.

Last week I sat in on a meeting wherein we planned travel stories. Some people based their pitches -- "A newly refurbished castle in Ireland where you can skeet shoot AND eat endangered-species omelettes for breakfast!" etc. -- on real-life travels, and I started to think about what would happen if I were to do the same. Don't get me wrong: this is a beautiful country and I've visited nearly all of its fine states and found something to like in each of them (with the possible exception of Indiana, where the highlight was getting a Subway sandwich handed to me from behind a wall of bulletproof glass). But of the states I've RESIDED in, it would be a tough case to make a decent story pitch. I, a South Dakota native, like to say that I've lived in all the places other people would never want to. I've done stints in the Dakotas, Iowa, Nebraska, Michigan, Washington state (OK, that one was lovely), and most unfabulously, Arkansas. Not exactly a gold-mine of luxury travel ideas to mine for the Ladies Who Lunch. But I thought I'd try to make a list anyway. Here goes:

1) "Corn Cobs on the Road: The Versatile Veggie Used for Sustenance AND Hygiene."
2) "Crees & Craps: Top Indian Casinos of the Pacific Northwest"
3) "Your Visit to Toad Suck Days: Buying Baby's First Cammo Bib"
4) "Penis of the Prairie: A Look at Nebraska's Phallic Capitol"
5) "The Hawkeye State's Cleanest Slaughtering Houses: An Insider's Guide"
6) "Show Me the Hand: Touring Cherry-Wine Makers on the Left Pinky of Michigan"
7) "Front-Porch Rocking and Chaw: Experience Arkansas Like the Natives"
8) "Grits, Grits, Grits"
9) "Tornadoes: Storm Chasing The Plains in a Pickup"
10) "36 Hours at: Waffle House"


Blogger Sarah Baker said...

You forgot all the tasty testicle festivals and real tourist traps like the Quack Off. (How could you forget that one?) Did I mention that I'm also workin' for the State of Nebraska Dept. of Travel and Tourism now? :-)

1:46 PM  
Blogger NewbietoNYC said...

I'd like to add "The St. Louis Arch: Great Vagina to the West."

10:04 PM  

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