Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Hyper-Light Jump

While the title above may sound like the key choreography sequence in a new-wave ultra-modern ballet production, in fact it is something that the characters on Battlestar Galactica have to do every time they want to escape shipsful of evil-robot Cylons. They do a countdown, press a little button, and all of a sudden their ENTIRE FLEET of ships goes BZZZZZIIIP! and disappears into an unknown universe, never to be seen again. My roommate is a sci-fi junkie so sometimes I just pick up on this stuff.

Now what does this have to do with this blog, you might ask? Well, let's just say that recently this blog had to do a "Hyper-Light Jump" of its own from my former URL -- which shall go unnamed to protect the innocent (and paranoid) -- thanks to a super unfortunate event I like to call "OH SH*T MY MOM FOUND MY BLOG."

My mom didn't much like finding this blog, and the story of how she did is too long to get into.

Let's just say that any illusions my dear mother once had that my days in New York were spent thinking about bouquets of peonies and puppy dogs, sitting at home and shining the lock on my chastity belt, were shattered in one ugly click. My parents are hard-core Baptists. While my experience with that particular church was mostly one of shove-it-down-your-throat-don't-ask-questions rules and what seemed to me blatant hypocrisy, they stand by its teachings. And I wasn't living them. Never mind that I think I lead a good and moral life and, as an adult, have developed my own strong ideas about religion, morality, apologetics, and what's important. At issue here was that my mother saw that I was "not living the way they brought me up to live." Not to mention "airing dirty family laundry in public." (Ha! Public! If only she knew how little traffic I got!)

I love my family, I do. But we're very different. As a concession to her and my family, whose upstanding name I have allegedly sullied with my (obviously embellished) tales of promiscuity, profanity and "realness," I moved the URL and took down any pictures that could positively ID me -- and therefore other, innocent, members of my family. Mom assured me that if I did keep them up, it would undoubtedly lead to 1) my own murder by cyberstalker turned real-life stalker and 2) the kidnapping of my niece (never mind that my brother has his own blog where he posts pictures of the child, but whatever).

Apparently Mom and I aren't talking yet; I think she's still trying to get the image of me lustily ravaging hordes of Jewish men out of her head.

Here's to hoping she doesn't find this blog, that I don't have to create a nom-de-plume (Taffy McJewLover?) or, even worse, an alter ego. And here's to hoping, fellow bloggers, that the same fate never befalls you (or if it does, that your parents are Unitarians). "Had to Move" refers not only to my need to leave my old URL, but also my need to not live in the place where I grew up, a place where you had to pretend all the time that everything was perfect. How nice in New York that you can just be who you are -- even if you're a mess.

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