Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Ask, and You Shall (Sort of) Receive (Something Halfhearted)

In the post below this one, if you look in the comments, you will see that Guy requested a new post ASAP. Don't ask me why a Jew, who is forever whining about how he "hasn't felt the touch of a woman in many months," is asking me to get something new up instead of just reading and re-reading the post about how I loooooove to bang Jews. Because I don't have a clue. I do know that if he keeps up antics like that, it may be many more months before he "feels the touch of a woman."

Nevertheless, I have decided to humor his request. I mean, I have to admit that over the years I've gotten a kick or two out of his blog. That's not to say that you will get a kick out of this post, because you most likely won't. Why? Because there ain't shit going on in my life.

All around me, people are going on climbing trips, moving in with significant others, having babies and achieving new and ever-more-impressive goals in their professional lives. Me? Not so much. Thanks to my recently strict diet, which led me to cut back on ALL weeknight drinking (save for last week's ill-advised Monday martini madness), there's not even a lot of trouble for me to get into. I get up at 6 a.m., work out like a madwoman, spend most of the day at work massaging my poor shoulders and am in bed, wiped out, by 11 p.m. It just doesn't make for good blogging.

Perhaps I should create my very own "Choose Erin's Next Adventure" here on this very blog. In order to come up with something good to post about, which "Grand Adventure" should I have next?

1) Go to Germany to visit my brother. All the German I know consists of what I learned from Heidi Klum on "Project Runway." My interactions in Germany would probably go something like this. "How many sausages would you like?" (me): "Auf Wiedersehen." Them: "Ma'am, where is your passport?" Me: "Auf Wiedersehen." Them: "Miss, it's time to put down the stein, back away from the bench, and go find somewhere to sleep it off." Me: "Auf Wiedersehen." Actually, in all those cases, it works: I wouldn't get fat on sausages, I'd avoid questions about my nationality, and in the end would grant a kind farewell to the local barkeep who served me one too many. Maybe this is not a bad idea.

2) Date another Jew. This idea is probably a winner. After some delirious posts about all the hot sex I was getting, there would be the inevitable heartbreak, post-breakup funk and six-month cycle of rapid weight gain and painfully slow weight loss.

3) Move home to South Dakota. My dad always wants me to move home. He says that I can work as a manager at Kinko's, which will still leave me in the "publishing business." I could regale you all with tales of my days at Kinko's and turn into a problem gambler, wasting my weekends whiling away my manager's paycheck on delapidated paddleboats and in the back of gas stations playing video poker.

4) Embark on a theme web site. For instance, I could take up knitting and change the name of this site to "How I Knit 365 Sweaters in 365 Days." Or, "Canning for Idiots: From Rhubarb to Ruttabegas." At least then I'd have a steady little niche audience.

If anyone has any better ideas, I'm listening. I'm sort of feeling ready for life to throw me a curveball, anyway, so why not. Give me something to blog about, baby.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Savannah Gal said...

I'm totally voting for #2. I have a HUGE thing for Jewish men (which I shouldn't type too loudly, lest my Southern Baptist family overhear). Who cares about the relationship aftermath?! You'll be smiling from ear to ear for hours on end and should care less about the pizzas and beer you'll devour after the break-up when you're coming down from J-ecstasy.

5:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are too funny. love the blog still. email me! christos

7:52 PM  
Blogger jared said...

i would have to suggest one of two things. (to do, not necessarily to blog about, though you could blog of the possibilities)

1) hike the Pacific Crest Trail, the Continental Divide Trail, or the Appalachian Trail.

2) join a crew of sailors and sail around the world. (how about Jewish sailors?)

9:39 AM  

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