Friday, March 03, 2006

Things I Did Today in Utah That I Could Not Have Done in New York

1) I went to Hatch Family Chocolates, a chocolate shop entirely owned and operated by midgets. My friend Kristi was driving me around, showing me some sights before she had to go back and save more babies at the hospital. Offhandedly, she said, "Oh, do you want to go to a chocolate shop owned by little people?" "HELL YES!" I said, not so offhandedly. So she screeched on her brakes and in we walked, and two extremely nice midgets helped us picked out dark-chocolate handmade caramels. Lesson: If you want to increase your walk-in business, hire midgets.

2) I had lunch with a friend I've known for more than 20 years, outside in the blazing sun, letting my face freckle up while eating some really scrumptious Greek food. Apparently, there's a healthy Greek population leftover here from the railroad boom years.

3) I was seriously underwhelmed by the Mormon Tabernacle and Temple. The LDS Church is outrageously wealthy, thanks to their mandatory 10% tithe, and I was expecting something awe-inspiring for the Mormon's version of Mecca. I was expecting to feel the way I felt when I first stood in St. Peter's Basilica in Rome. They're not offering tours right now, since Salt Lake sits on a fault line and they're making the temple quake-proof. But my quick tour around the outside of Tabernacle/Temple brought nothing more than an incredulous "That's IT?" Seriously, I think my church in New York is bigger than this thing. Uninspiring.

4) I sat in a white room in an old house with high ceilings and lots of dapply sunlight, playing the Moonlight Sonata on the piano.

5) We have plenty of hipsters in New York, but far fewer hippies. Today, I saw a guy sitting on his front steps playing a BONGO DRUM. Without a shred of irony.

6) Later, I am going to go run up a huge hill and watch the sun set over the mountains.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

(#3) You totally missed the LDS Conference Center (21,000 capacity). If you're still in Utah, you might want to see it. You won't be underwhelmed.

12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just so you realize, "midget" is considered a derogatory, rude and degrading word to describe people of short stature. It is highly offensive to many for it is always used in a derogatory sense, as well as to poke fun and get a laugh at someone's else's expense.

7:03 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home