Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Ten Things Tuesday: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

I'm aware that Ten Things Tuesdays is actually going up Wednesday. I apologize.

I'm sorry to disappoint all seven people who came here yesterday, eagerly awaiting another edition of Ten Things Tuesday. What with Monday being the new Saturday and all, I had spent the previous night drinking oh, I dunno, 87 beers with a friend who was in from out of town. We talked, we laughed, we reminisced, and we got pie-eyed. He's about to move to a foreign country where people wash, drink, and throw dead bodies all into the same river so I figured I better cherish a few last moments with him before he develops an inevitable case of cholera.

Of course, this left me completely incapacitated with regard to creative thought come Tuesday, and instead of writing a Ten Things list, I ate a quarter pounder with cheese and moaned.

Wednesday has come around, and I STILL don't have a good idea for a Ten Things list. If there's something you'd like to see, hey, feel free to holler in the comments below. Until then, I give you 10 misguided reasons people have come to my web site via fruitless google searches in the recent days. (I know, I know, it's so masturbatory. I apologize.)

1) "Is cheesecake midwestern?" No, but Jell-O salad is! According to Wikipedia, "The first recorded mention of cheesecake was during the ancient Grecian Olympic games." American cheesecakes "generally rely on cream cheese, invented in 1872 as an alternative to French Neufchchatel."
2) "John Krasinski girlfriend" People, how many times do I have to tell you that he DOES NOT WANT TO DATE YOU? You are an average-looking, middling member of society. That's fine -- but you need to accept the reality of your situation. You probably work as a bank teller in Beloit, Iowa. I promise you that the only ladies John Krasinski wants to date are the types who don't have to Google him. So PLEASE stop searching here and go read or something.
3) "John Krasinski Jewish" I don't know whether he is Jewish. Even if he is, he still doesn't want to date you -- I don't care how good your blintzes are. Why? Because you are a Jew who had to Google him. That automatically dqs you. Go back to JDate.
4) "Internet lady" Someone needs to take a class in online sleuthing.
5) "Different moves bye-bye" HUH?
6) "Learn some football moves" I imagine this search came from an earnest seventh-grader somewhere, who is dying to make the JV team in order to impress his father. This made me a little sad, but it made me even sadder that my blog was the best he could do in researching this goal.
7) "A famous research" See No. 4
8) "Rashida Jones" Yes, she's dating John Krasinski, or at least she was. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.
9) "Dead beavers" I don't even want to think about this one.
10) "Bulging biceps" I guess if you guys want some pictures, I can flex and take a picture.

Have a nice week. Sorry for my tardiness, and a tangible dropoff in quality.


Blogger Guy said...

How about 10 reasons why Guy Hollerin and his site "This Place is Dead Anyway" are totally sweet. And by "totally sweet" I mean cool.

4:29 PM  

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