Some People Think It's Funny (But It's Really Hot and Runny)

Don't you hate it when you're trying to leave a lame party and people try to talk you into staying? I mean, you know, if there's hot guys roaming around, good booze and someone interesting to talk to, I'll probably stick around. But if I grace you with my presence for a beer or three, be a pal and let me leave when I need to leave. None of this, "You're being such a pussy!" or "Seriously, more people were supposed to show up!"

Last night I arrived at a party for my friend Eric just as another mutual friend of ours was leaving, around 9:30. This is the guy who is usually found chasing people around with full shot glasses at 4 a.m. -- a time after which most reasonable folk are already passed out in an alley somewhere. I was surprised to see he was leaving so early.

"Oh, hey, why are you leaving?" I asked.

"Diarrhea." he said.*

Not much of a rebuttal for that, unless you're carrying a bottle of Immodium in your purse. Well played, my friend. Well played.**

*This was probably a lie. I think he was avoiding an ex.
**Follow-up: Today I had lunch with a friend of mine who indulged my craving for a blue cheese burger. I relayed the above story to him, and he chuckled, adding, "I just tell people I'm going home to masturbate." I guess that works, too.