Monday, November 07, 2005

Botox: The Pits

When I was younger, I thought if I was going to have plastic surgery, I'd probably want a breast augmentation to plump up maybe just half a little cup to a nice full-sized C, or to lipo away that one-inch roll of fat on my belly, or to somehow get the bones of my hips shaved down since lipo ain't even gonna help me there. Child-bearing hips are great I suppose if you're gonna bear children, but as I feel my ovaries shriveling up day by day, I wonder, what is the evolutionary POINT?

But I have accepted my fate as a normal-sized person. A size 8 in a size-zero town, as one of my friends so wisely put it.

Which is why if I had to have plastic surgery now, I'd get my right armpit botoxed. I can't raise my hands if I'm sure. Because my right armpit apparently has more functioning sweat glands in it than a group of Swedes sitting around in a competition sauna. Constantly worrying about the dreaded "armpit ring" affects everything from my layering options to my shopping habits and requires hours of fervent planning ahead of dates of formal functions. And yes, I've tried Certain-Dri, which works better than anything but only reduces the flood to a mere gush.

What "Weird Plastic Surgery" would you like to have? Discuss below.


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